Loki's Escatpades
by CretianStar
Summary: An unfortunate run in with some fairies leaves Loki a little different...


A/N: Okay well this had the worst origins; I was reading an internet meme of texts between a cat and it's owner and this is what happened... That and I was on my Tom Hiddleston tumblr tag. Fabulous conception I know but this'll probably be a two shot... which will be posted within the week (so nag me) while I squeeze it in between reading Castiglione and Machiavelli. Anyway enjoy this feline episode.

* * *

_Twist the bones and bend the back_

_Itch-It-A-Cop-It-A_

_Mel-A-Ka-Mys-Ti-Ca_

_Trim him of his baby fat _

_Itch-It-A-Cop-It-A_

_Mel-A-Ka-Mys-Ti-Ca_

_Give him fur as black as black_

_Just like that…_

Thor had brought Loki back to Earth on the six month anniversary of the Manhattan battle and the Frost Giant had not been amused. He was still relatively rebellious and condescending towards his jail keepers in Asgard; he goaded, coaxed, bribed, blackmailed, taunted and was generally a terrible prisoner to be around.

But that all changed when he came to Earth. Not Manhattan, it wasn't worth the issues with that damn politician that was baying for his blood. No they were in England, somewhere. He thinks.

He had been released under the supervision of the Avengers, that and Frigga had helpfully provided some magic blocking bracelets so he was as good as mortal. It irritated the life out of him not to shapeshift or change, however he still had a way with words and on the all too mortal flight from Thor's girlfriend's house to England he had managed to get at least three air hostesses numbers. Jane had simply raised an eyebrow before looking at the somewhat pale Thor – he was not too understanding of how the metal box was staying up in the air.

Arriving in England it was clear, crisp and bloody cold. Loki felt right at home in the green countryside, the rolling hills and the beautiful manor house that SHIELD kept. Upon the trio's arrival they were greeted with Tony Stark and Pepper Potts, Steve Rogers, Bruce Banner, Natasha Romanov and the Clint Barton. The last members of the little reunion were not high on Loki's social list and he avoided the SHIELD agents like the plague. Stark was just an insufferable arse, brought occasionally to order by his little blonde girlfriend. Steve was still awkward around everything, he was Captain _America_ not England and felt slightly out of place and out of time in the manor while Bruce Banner had commandeered the basement for some new experiment or other.

Loki had no care of these people; he observed but he did not care. What he did find though that the English countryside had a lot of folklore and lot more of it was true than thought.

Like the fairies at the bottom of the garden. Mischievous little imps they'd been and when he'd haughtily introduced himself the gaggle of girls had squealed and fluttered around him. However, apparently fairies get annoyed if you swat at them like they're nothing more than mosquitos. They'd turned from sweet little winged things to a bunch of stinging hornets and swarmed him. Loki had been chased back up the garden covered in glitter and small little teeth marks.

Sneeze a couple of times Loki grumbled under his breath, straightened the god awful mortal clothes he'd been forced to wear and slipped back into the house.

"Where you going berryball?" Tony Stark was lounging against the side with a grin and Loki dusted more of the glitter off, sneezing again. The Frost Giant said nothing and stormed up to his room.

"Bloody fairies." He growled and flopped onto his bed, cursing the bracelets that were locked around his wrists. Loki was surprisingly tired and dropped off pretty much right away, which was unusual for him, his slightly unearthly status meant sleep wasn't always required for him but he was soon sound asleep with his door shut and nobody bothered to call him for dinner.

That may have been one issue, maybe if Thor hadn't been canoodling with Jane so much that evening and had gone to check on his adopted brother it all might have been sorted out sooner. But back at the bottom of the garden in the old gnarled tree trunk lay one of the fairies caught by Loki's desperate attempts to be away from the fairies. Her wing was slightly bent and she was furious.

"Get him." She ordered and speedily three fairies were dispatched to his bedroom with a nod of the head.

"Yes my liege. Now rest." Another fairy soothed the angry Queen Mab and laid the woman back onto the soft bed of downy feathers before they began to heal her.

The three fairies that were now at his window lifted the latch with a little magic and disappeared into the dark of the bedroom, their fairy dust gave off a little light and they illuminated the face of a now snoring Loki. With a conspiratorial wink at one another the three little balls of light swirled around him, dropping dust on him once more while chanting ever so quietly.

_Twist the bones and bend the back_

_Itch-It-A-Cop-It-A_

_Mel-A-Ka-Mys-Ti-Ca_

_Trim him of his baby fat _

_Itch-It-A-Cop-It-A_

_Mel-A-Ka-Mys-Ti-Ca_

_Give him fur as black as black_

_Just like that…_

Loki never felt a thing.

When he woke up he didn't feel any different, he yawned, rolled onto his front and stretched digging his nails into the pillow before scratching the back of his ear with his foot.

Wait what?

Looking around in horror everything seemed slightly different, familiar but different.

Bounding off the bed, Loki was alarmed to feel his feet skid out from under him on the wooden floors and he splayed across it. Struggling to regain his footing he reached the rug and leapt towards the full length mirror on the wardrobe. A short haired black kitten with golden eyes was glaring back at him and he hissed and scampered away. Edging closer to the mirror Loki realised with a growing sense of foreboding he was most definitely the kitten.

"No no no no no!" Thank god he could still talk as he tore from the room, down the stairs ignoring Pepper's squeal of surprise before launching himself into the kitchen.

"We have a cat?" Bruce picked up the small feline and deposited it on the counter.

"No we do not!" Loki yowled and stared mutinously at both Bruce and Steve, spitting when they started to laugh.

"We have a cat that talks… Of course we do." Bruce chuckled. "It's gotta be one of Loki's tricks." He stroked the kitten's head but drew back when Loki lashed out.

"I am Loki!" The cat growled and both men stopped laughing. "Where's my brother it's got to be him!" There was flurry of movement as the two men called for other's to join and by the time Stark had dragged his butt out of bed a very grumpy Loki had been prodded and poked by Bruce and was now curled in Pepper's arms being cuddled, which he hated to admit he was enjoying it.

"What's going on?" Stark was bleary eyed and was blindly reaching for a coffee pot; he was barely aware of Natasha smiling – which was creepy in itself – but he did become aware of the black cat cradled in his girlfriend's arms. "Pep we said no babies, no pets, too much mess for my machinery." He protested and he swore the cat smirked.

"Maybe that's true Stark but if Miss Potts wants to adopt me then so be it." The cat's smug voice made Tony drop the mug, Natasha's quick hand had it caught barely a drop spilt and back on the counter before anyone else could react.

"That's a cat…"

"Not just any cat… It's Loki." Jane smirked from the top of her own cup of coffee. "Interesting what happens when you guys get together isn't it?" She looked at the collective faces before Loki jumped down from Pepper's arms and sat in the middle of the counter.

"Can we just change me back!" He whined again. "No no no put me down. Put me down! Thor!" He yowled and attempted to scratch the Asgardian without much luck, the brute simply laughed but was surprisingly gentle when he scratched the kitten behind the ears.

"He is so tiny and puny." Thor held his adopted brother aloft, looking him in the eyes while the kitten's legs dangled from his gentle grip. "He's even got white bands on his forelegs where Mother put the anti-magic bands." He exclaimed happily. He was genuinely happy by the appearance of the kitten.

"Okay sweetheart." Jane took the unhappy Loki from Thor's grasp and allowed the kitten to wander on the table. Loki looked furious even in cat form and was glaring at those around him. "Well seeing as you have those anti magic bands you won't be changing back any time soon so we will head into town and buy you some new kitten things." She smiled as the cat growled at her.

"No."

"Yes. Coming Pep?" Jane finished off her coffee and Loki watched, back arched as the two women drew closer.

"You're meant to be changing me back!" He yowled as Pepper scooped him up barely giving him any time to fuss.

"Yeah Bruce and Tony will work on that while we're out. But first you can go outside to do your business, the boys will let you back in! See you in an hour so!" Pepper shut the kitchen door on him and Loki stared at the garden around him in some sort of daze.

They'd thrown him out. Actually kicked him out, for him to go the toilet… OUTSIDE! What was this nonsense! He was still a God albeit a disgraced one. You try to take over Manhattan once and _everyone_ remembers. Feeling oh so grumpy and a little hungry Loki did the only thing he could think of; he gave himself a bath.

Actually the flexibility was quite nice but it dawned on him he was cleaning his leg with his tongue and he stopped quite quickly. Wandering around the garden getting used to a heightened sense of smell and the occasional difficulty of walking on four paws Loki made a thorough investigation of one herbaceous border. Sneezing at the scent of Rosemary jammed up his nostrils he sneezed so hard he ended up sitting down rather hard on his bottom. Loki had the strange sense of something familiar but just couldn't pinpoint it… something to do with his current form he was fairly sure it involved sneezing but the memory evaded him and he scratched behind his ear with one black paw.

Enough exploring he decided he was feeling really hungry now and padded his way back towards the kitchen door. Yowling and scratching at the wood until Steve came to let him in. Loki said nothing as he stalked past Captain America with his tail in the air before scrambling up to the kitchen counter. Surveying the scene with obvious distaste the counter was littered with paperwork and books, Bruce and Tony were staring at them intently while Steve went back to cooking.

Smelling bacon Loki scampered over the stacks of work, landing on one that sent it cascading to the floor before leaping up again, swerving at the corner, scrabbling to stay on the marble top counter he finally skidded to a halt at the edge of the grill.

"Feed me." He stared up at the muscly American who raised an eyebrow and turned back to the mess the kitten had created in the kitchen. The fruit bowl had gone smashing to the floor when he's turned the corner, the bowl was cracked and the fruit everywhere. There was now a mess of papers on the floor and Tony looked somewhat unamused at the calamity and said nothing. But Bruce was chuckling to himself as he collected the mass of manuscripts and documents.

"They're doing this to try and change you back." Steve said as flipped a pancake in one frying pan before tending to the bacon on the grill. Loki looked at them questioningly but the noise of the bacon fat frying was enough to distract him again.

"Feed meeeee." He yowled again and jumped onto Steve's back. "Pleeeeeeeeeeeease." He sounded just like a whining kitten and Steve squawked and hopped around trying to free the naughty kitten from his jumper when Bruce came to the rescue. Unhooking the kitten's claws the good Doctor managed to snag some bacon before depositing both cat and bacon on the thankfully empty windowsill.

"Eat." Bruce snorted before helping the other men with the clear up.

"Don't have to tell me twice." Loki grumbled before wolfing down the bacon piece, unhindered by the lack of opposable thumbs and proceeded to wash himself quite happily.

* * *

A/N: The chant is from Hocus Pocus and it's how Binx is changed into a cat. For anyone who was wondering, I'm not talented enough for things like that.


End file.
